De Ja Vu

It's not going to rain today so out came the Beast for it's first run out of 2014. And once again, it's a pile of crap. I appear to have lost several cylinders again. I had to keep my right foot constantly bipping the throttle through fear that the engine was going to stall, braking only on the handbrake. At least that works. Why didn't I buy an MX5?

Good Money After Bad

Rimmer Brothers must love me. They'll have me on speed dial in the near future. To try to un-kill the car, I have now added to the long list of bits that have/have not been required to get this ungrateful piece of green crap to simply run properly:

Rimmers love me

2x SU Damper springs, 2x SU BAF needles (this is the second set of carb needles I have now bought), a clutch slave cylinder (as that is still leaking) and an SU link throttle (to replace the snapped one).

Car Killer

I am a fecking great mechanic me...

I decided to have a go at the carbs. I have been driving on the choke for weeks now. No choke = chugging around like an 850cc 20 year old Fiesta. With choke, it goes like a v8 and sounds like a v8. But that's not right, so I set out to fix it.

i got one bigger than the other ...

I would like to blame the fact that the car is now completely fucked on the two carb springs that should be the same size but are not. That's another tenner. It will now only start on full choke and revs at about 4000 rpm, any fuel added via the accelerator and the fucking thing stops. The carb link rod thing that joins the two SUs together has also snapped at one end. That's another ton to fix. Not that I could get it anywhere near a garage.

I am a fecking great mechanic me...

Toyota Celica

I am about to spend another £100 on this hateful and useless lump of scrap metal which has cost me probably about £2500 so far. And then to highlight my idiocy, a bloke at work spends £760.25 on this:

It's Japanese so will probably not go wrong, certainly not as much. It's not 70's BL and thus will not go rusty. Bits won't fall off the trim. It'll have a stereo in it. I'll be able to drive more than 50 miles a year for probably the same amount of yearly insurance. Oh how very very tempting ...

F F S

Why is it that just one week ago I can walk away from a car that starts only to return to a car that doesn't? To top it all, I have just watched Top Gear and it would appear that for the same amount of dough that I paid for this sack of steaming crap, I could have bought a Porsche 944 or a Nissan Z twin turbo something or other. Dungpie. Where did I put that white flag?

One step forward ...

This weekend was going to be it. The Beast had started last week albeit with the points distributor. All I had to do was get the fuel pump fixed properly and the seats in. Then it was going to Phil's for an MOT. Groovy.

Or perhaps not so groovy. The fuel pump is in. It is not leaking and is pumping away. It's damned noisy though as I haven't fixed it on to a rubber mounting. It will need doing but not an important thing at the moment. There we are then - a "new" distributor, a new coil, a new fuel pump, lots of new wires, clamps and leads, a reconditioned starter motor - feck all happened! There was not a v8 burble anywhere - just the metallic noise of the fuel pump rattling at the rear bulkhead and a dying battery straining under the constant pressure of this dungheap never ever starting.

Then Stewart/Stuart arrived. Huzzah, I am saved! Or not as the case was as he had to run off. He has put the original electrical distributor in and has tested the wires. But still nout happened. Although it could now be the interior gubbins of the distributor. How do I know if these ones that were replaced last week actually work? Can I have my old gubbins back please?!

To top it all, there is now another problem. Whilst cranking and trying to start it, it obviously flooded. It was at this point that I could hear a trickling and smell fuel. It wasn't coming out of the bit that we (thanks to Simon for his fuel pump assistance and trips to B&Q) had changed. It was coming from the engine. It was coming from the carbs. It was pouring from a pipe from the carbs straight on to the block! This site suggests it is a safety measure. I would love to meet the bellend who designed that "safety" measure. Although in my case, it is perfectly safe as the engine never runs thus the block will never be hot enough to ignite the leaky fuel. The MG site has suggested that the needle is blocked with some dung (possible as I drained the fuel into a (cleanish) plastic bowl) or that one of the floats is buggered, which could be due to the fact that an engine has not been started for a while (no shit!).

Previously I had a car that wouldn't get up a very small hill as the fuel pump was no good. Now I am paddling in a lake of unleaded as the fuel pump is too good. Cock! In conclusion therefore, today and probably for the rest of the week, Rover v8's are dung, Harris Mann is a tosser, BL/Rover deserved to go bust and TR7s are the worst cars ever made. The white flag is raised once more.

I Surrender

An update for all those of you who still bother to read this sorry tale: it's still fucked! I have tested the spark using some glow end cap things. I have sparks. I then tested the spark with a spark strength tester thing that looks a bit like a compass. The spark strength tester thing suggested the spark was too weak. So, what produces the spark? The coil. It can't be the distributor as that just distributes the spark surely? I purchased a new coil. Typically, it made fuck all difference. That was about 2 weeks ago. I have been nowhere near the sack of crap since. I can't be arsed. I loathe and detest it. No wonder TR7's are universally ridiculed. No wonder Rover went down the shitter. I raise the white flag in surrender.

Thought of the day

The current dilema .... sell or keep the V70?

Somebody not called Frank just said the following:

"You know what I think , you should no way have that TR. You are not (and never will be) in a position to look after it. Its a cash cow that just isn't worth the effort. Sorry for being frank. I think the V70 is a great car but if you are determined to get the TR working then you need money and the Volvo is the best way to get it quickly. As for the Mitsi didn't I say it would drink fuel and you ignored me! If it were me I would bin the TR, keep the Volvo and use this as a primary car, then leave the Mitsi for towing the plastic house you have!"

That is of course the correct action and something to very seriously ponder.

Oh Feck It

I am at a crossroads. Where do I go now? This car has become a mistress, I no longer see my wife and family. For example, I spent several hours on Saturday and most of Sunday fannying around in the garage trying to get the useless sack of crap to start. The new battery leads look nice but made feck all difference. I trawled around Kidderminster on Sunday for an age trying to find a tyre/battery place that was open. After finding one, the good news is that the battery is fine. The bad news is that something else must have fecked on it. The pit crew suggested that it must be the starter motor ... it turns over very slowly as if the battery is still dead, which is isn't. Various car forums have also suggested that it may be the starter motor, so off it came, to be taken to a starter motor man for reconditioning. There goes the carpet money.

This is perhaps also a good time to mention the pit crew. All of them know loads more than I do and together we STILL can't get it to run! So what chance have I got if I were left to my own devices? I do not have bucket loads of cash to waste on it and thus umpteen trips to garages is not possible. Nor do I have the knowledge to do it myself - a Haynes service book and a few old rusty spanners will not suffice! I honestly thought that my mad quest for one of the quite dreadful cars would have brought hours of fun and satisfaction. My cock.

I love driving it, but there lays the whole point, I haven't for 5 months now and I am still months away from driving it in the near future. I am now at the crossroads. I am going to take a few weeks away from the garage and decide if it is time to cut and run.